Is There A Word For This?

Here's something that really amuses me:

My shins are often bruised--most of my non-writing work is pretty hands-on and physical, and I have very fair skin. 

Whenever I come home with an injury, no matter how small, my wife always makes a (pleasantly) big fuss over it. 

And then she'll bite my thighs, leaving bigger, deeper bruises than the ones I had...and we gloat over those. (She does nurse them if they need it, of course, and it's a part of play we both really enjoy.)

Does this happen to anyone else? Is there a word for this type of situation? I wouldn't quite call it ironic...

The Fancy Dancer

I just had a random memory, and I'm surprised I didn't think to write about this sooner! The Fancy Dancer was one of the first M/M books I ever read. I found it in a gas station on the way to my friend's cabin, which was really random. Not really what I'd expect to find in a gas station in a small town on the Canadian prairies!

The title caught my eye because, while I'm white, there's a very high native population in my area, and I've been exposed to a lot of native culture during my life.

When I saw what it was about, I knew I had to buy it (and I think it was only .99 or something ridiculous like that, because it was a used book in a gas station).

I really, really enjoyed it, but I've only read all of it once. I've picked it up a few times, but I haven't finished it. It's beautiful and important and...really depressing.

Aliens! Predators!

We bought the Alien-Predator Total Destruction Collection today...I forgot about the nigh...no, totally unwatchable Predator 2. 

It really amuses me that Alien in French is called Alien Le 8e Passager (the 8th passenger. I wonder where the 'N' came from in English?)

My wife and I watch a lot of South Park, so we're constantly quoting, "They mostly come at night. Mostly." But as a South Park, not Aliens, reference. I don't think we've ever watched an Alien movie together. That ends now!

Hot Damn!

Seriously, this is so far up my alley that it comes out the other side.

From Tumblr

BDSMonday - Wax Play

It’s BDSMonday!

Today’s topic is wax play.

First, I have to put on my little safety hat (okay I’ve used that a couple of times now and I think it deserves a picture. Suggestions for how my safety hat should look?) There is a lot of information about wax play on the internet, so I’m not going into too much detail, but here are a few key points and tips I’ve found useful.

The most important thing to remember when playing with wax is temperature. There are a couple of things that effect temperature: type of wax, height, and colour. The darker or more intense the colour, the hotter the wax is going to feel on someone’s skin. It’s probably best to avoid metallic wax entirely, because it’s going to have a really high melting point, aaaaaand it’s likely to contain some things you don’t really want to put on your skin.

Thanks

It's amazing how often in my life, every time I'm feeling really down and crappy, someone will unexpectedly and unprompted say exactly what I need to hear. I might not have heard from that particular person in months.

I just want to thank those people for showing up right when I need them. 

It's not just one person, and I'm not going to point anyone out. My ex-farrier once told me that you shouldn't tell people they've saved your life, because it puts an uncomfortable burden on them, and I think this is a small example of the same principle. 

Thank you, for always appearing. 

The Art of J.C. Leyendecker

Lots of artists can fill their work with aching homosexual tension, but no one else can make the impending sodomy look quite as classy and exquisitely dressed as Leyendecker can.” - source

Review: Locking Horns by Kay Berrisford

Buy Link

4 1/2 stars. 

I won this book, and I was thrilled! It sounded really interesting and I wasn't disappointed. The mythology of the story is comfortable and familiar without seeming stale. 

I really enjoyed Herne and Tam's relationship (not just the naughty parts--but those are HOT!) Their worries and concerns about each other are very realistic and well-explored, with a satisfying resolution. 

A lovely blend of fantasy, romance and erotica, with just enough kink to make me perk up and have my mind spiralling off in interesting directions. 

I can't wait to read the others in this series (after which, I'll probably track down more of Kay's writing). 

I loved the use of antlers in the story...I might be a sucker for men with (eroticised) antlers...

BDSMonday - Kinky Music

Here's a list of kinky songs I've compiled over the years. Some of them are in-your-face, actually written about BDSM, while others remind me of BDSM in some way.

This isn't necessarily the best playlist to use for scenes or play parties, at least not for me. For one thing, the mood and intensity is all over the place. I like to use music without lyrics, usually classical, for private scenes.

I made a CD for play parties a few years ago, that starts off with gentle, quiet music, builds, and then softens again.

If anyone has other songs that are overtly kinky or inspire kinky thoughts, I'd love to hear them!

Got Something To Tell Me, Mom? Or, Spanking Is A Gateway Drug

I never came out and told my mom, "I'm into BDSM." My mother is many things, but stupid isn't one of them, so she guessed most of it on her own. And there are only so many times you can come home with yeah-those-aren't-hickeys-those-are-bite-marks before a person puts two and two together.

I don't remember the context, but I remember her once telling me that all masochists had been really ill as children. I was tempted to ask, "Soooo... I don't remember this illness, or...?" But I didn't really want to get into it with her. Because, awkward.

She also told me that I shouldn't be kinky, because I would just keep needing more and more until I, I don't know, self-destructed or something.

To that I say (but again, not to her): Life is all about progression. Staying at Level One in any activity gets boring after a while. But just because you've canoed the same river multiple times doesn't mean you're going to suddenly attempt to canoe across an ocean. Sure, play might get more intense, or at least change, over the years, but that doesn't mean that it's going to become dangerous or unhealthy.

Stranger Than Science Fiction

I have a very strange reading habit: I can't get enough of books like Momzillas by Jill Kargman or Notes From the Underbelly (or the sequel, Tales From The Crib) by Risa Green.

It's a total guilty pleasure. My wife thinks it's a little odd (so do I, honestly), but I've reread all three of those books at least once.

Here's why. All of those books are about extremely wealthy women who live in places like New York or L.A., and their experiences of motherhood.

All of those things are so foreign to me that these books are almost like reading science fiction. I've never had a lot of money, nor am I likely to. I'm not going to be a parent. I have no desire to live in a city any bigger than my current one (and honestly, even it's getting a little crowded for me). The problems the characters in these books have are less real to me than a lot of fantasy.

I actually don't read a lot of sci fi or fantasy. I have a few standby favourites in each genre--The Stainless Steel Rat series by Harry Harrison and Spirit Fox by Mickey Zucker Reichert and Jennifer Wingert being a few examples. I do read quite a bit of urban fantasy, though.

(I tried Girls In Trucks, hoping it would be similar. The book wasn't bad, but it also wasn't quite what I was looking for. If anyone has suggestions for more of those kind of books, I'd love to hear them).

Simple Things

Here's a simple little D/s activity my Sir and I like to do: I'll have a bowl of small tidbits (we've used pistachios, grapes and mandarin orange segments so far), and I feed them to my Sr. It's especially fun if the food is something that needs to be shelled or peeled. I do the troublesome preparation, and my Sir can just have the tasty food without having to work for it. 

We both find it very enjoyable, on several levels. For us, it shows submission, love and caring. It's a very relaxing and low-key form of D/s, perfect for watching a movie or just hanging out on the couch. It reinforces our power dynamic without either of us having to expend much time or energy--perfect after a day of work!

What little D/s activities do you like to do?

Is This Question Appropriate?

I made a little flow chart for those moments when someone wants to ask a (gay, trans, non-binary, aboriginal, etc.) person a question and aren't sure if it's something they should ask. In this case, 'normal' is defined by the person who wants to ask the question. 

I realize that (hopefully!) most of the people reading my blog will already be aware of how rude being interrogated about some aspect of your identity is. Most likely, the people who really need this chart won't see it. 

But I have to try!

If you're in the habit of asking your "normal" neighbors and coworkers things like,

"Which one of you is the man?" 

"Can I touch your hair?"

"How far along is your surgery?"

Then please continue!

Otherwise...yeah, you probably shouldn't be asking someone you hardly know. 

BDSMidweek - Looking For Input

So, here's a question: what are some kinky/BDSM topics you'd like to have discussed on a BDSMonday? You don't have to submit or write anything, just send me a thought. I will always post them anonymously unless I'm specifically told not to.

Speculums

"A speculum (Latin for "mirror") (plural specula or speculums) is a medical tool for investigating body cavities, with a form dependent on the body cavity for which it is designed.

Vaginal and anal specula are also sometimes used as sex toys, but this is uncommon."

Speculums feel great. A toy I love that I don't play with often enough. It's not something I would want to do every day, but it's definitely wonderful from time to time. A great toy for any medical scene (and everyone needs more of those), or just for shits and giggles--I guarantee both.

Something I really like about speculums is that they can be used to stretch an orifice, which I enjoy the feeling and thought of, but you have more control over the expansion than, say, an inflatable toy. Inflatable toys go from size to size in big jumps, and sometimes the interval is too much, so it hurts. Speculums, however, can be adjusted in very small, controlled increments.

Our speculum came like this, with three prongs. Unless you are into serious anal pain, I recommend taking the third prong off, leaving only the top two! Otherwise, the third prong sticks out a bit, and loves to catch your delicate anal flesh. It's easy to do: you just loosen the knob shown in the picture (the bottom one), remove the third prong, and put the knob back.

Another thing I love about speculums (once you've removed the third prong as mentioned above) is that there's a tempting space between the prongs where flesh is revealed. Just the right size for a finger. This feels amazing.

Reviews

I'm curious about other people's opinions about reviews.

Ideally as authors, we'd all be getting 5 star reviews with lots of in-depth commentary about the story.

Ideally as readers, we'd be reading reviews that say, "You personally will like this book", or "You personally will not like this book."

But obviously that's not going to happen.

Authors - Would you rather get a review giving your story 4 - 5 stars, but doesn't go into much detail about the story, or a review with 3-4 stars that has more content?

Readers - Same question. Which type of review makes you more interested in reading a story? Do you just look at the number of stars, or do you find an analysis of the story more helpful?

Personally, while getting a 4-5 star review is of course a huge ego boost, many of my favourite reviews have been in the 3-4 star range. I love seeing reviews by someone who really gets my story. I actually got one(3 1/2 stars, I believe) for Amber that hit on every point I'd hoped to get across to readers, and it was so fulfilling and rewarding to know that my story was having exactly the effect I'd been looking for. That meant more to me than a higher starred review without feedback.

BDSMonday - M ≠ S, S ≠ D

It's BDSMonday!

Today's thought is about roles in BDSM.

Why Free Reads and Giveaways Are Important - A Personal Example

A while ago, I made a new rule for when I visit the library: I always have to get at least one fiction book, for when I'm brain-tired but still want to read something. I couldn't find any from my TBR that were actually physically present at the library with me, so I was aimlessly browsing the adult paperback section. Gunmetal Magic  by Ilona Andrews caught my eye, so I grabbed it. I enjoyed the book, and now I'm reading Magic Bites with Magic Burns requested from the library.

It was the same with Patricia Briggs' books. A Mercy Thompson book caught my eye in a bookstore, I started flipping through it, and now I've read all of them and purchased at least two.

John Reinhard Dizonhjre

1. How do you work through self-doubts and fear?

You have to believe in your product, and reinforce that belief with validation. From there you have to aggressively market your product. If you fail, you have to let go and let God.

2. Why do you write?

It’s what I’m good at, and it’s the one thing at which I remain competent as all the other doors begin to close at this advanced age.

3. What writing are you most proud of? (Add a link if you like)

That’d be a tie between Tiara and Nightcrawler. Here’s the Tiara link:

http://www.amazon.com/Tiara-Anniversary-John-Reinhard-Dizon/dp/1494366878/

4. What are you most proud of in your personal life?

In order of achievement: having been a ‘founding father’ of punk rock in Brooklyn during the 70’s, wrestled professionally during the 80’s, earned degrees in Korean martial arts and my BA at UTSA in the 90’s, resurrected The Spoiler heavy metal band in the 00’s, and published fifteen books (and counting) in the 10’s.

5. What books did you love growing up?

I owned the entire James Bond collection as a teen and the entire Conan the Barbarian anthology in my twenties. Ian Fleming and Robert E. Howard have had a great influence on my writing style.

6. Who is your favorite author?

I’d have to go with William Shakespeare as the master of brevity and conciseness. I’d also have to mention Franz Kafka in having influenced me as a postmodernist author.

7. What book should everybody read at least once?

The Bible. It’s a matter of life and death.


8. Location and life experiences can really influence writing, tell us where you grew up and where you now live?

I grew up in Brooklyn NY, did eighteen years in San Antonio TX, and will die here in Missouri. Most of my novels are centered around NYC, though a few feature backdrops in Texas. I also write novels with a Missouri background as well. I recognize it as God’s plan for my life, allowing me to experience three of the most disparate yet essential areas of the USA to draw upon for my writing.

9. Where do you get your inspiration from?

Half of the time I’m looking for new worlds to conquer, so if I see a genre previously unexplored I’ll give it a whirl, as I did with steampunk in writing Stxeamtown. The other half of the time I come across a current topic or event that I can weigh in on. Women’s issues are also important to me, and I feature strong female characters in all my novels.


10. What marketing works for you?

Your best chance is word-of-mouth promotion and having the reviews to back it up. My major focus is on social media, hoping that the work will eventually fall into the right hands with time remaining.

11. Do you find it hard to share your work?

Not at all. I’m at the 20/80 point right now (20% writing, 80% promo) throughout my workday.


12. Do you plan to publish more books?

I’ve got Transplant coming out on Assent Publishing in May 2014, it’s a suspense/thriller novel. I’ve also got Superstition, a supernatural Western, getting ready to self-pub. Stay tuned!

Sounding!

I came across a post about sounding over on S. L. Danielson's blog (though the actual post is by Dakota Trace).

This post is NSFW. You have been warned.

BDSMonday Archive - March 10 2014

It’s BDSMonday! (Better late than never, right?)


Today’s guest post comes to you from the blog of Ekatarina Sayanova! The topic is sub- and dom-drop.

BDSMonday Archive - March 3 2014

It’s BDSMonday!

Today’s thought: setting up aftercare before you start playing can make a huge difference. Putting drinks and/or snacks (etc) nearby means you don’t have to get up later—and there are definitely scenes you don’t just get up and walk away from! (My Sir would like to add that sometimes the top doesn’t want to leave the bottom alone after a scene, not even for the few minutes it takes to get snacks)

BDSMonday Archive - February 24 2014

It’s BDSMonday!

Today I’m thrilled to introduce my guest, Maddie Taylor. She’s sharing a post about domestic discipline through history, based on research she did for her first Victorian historical romance, Surrender Your Grace.

(This isn’t exactly about BDSM…but there’s definite overlap between domestic discipline and BDSM. And I absolutely cannot pass up on anything that combines two of my greatest passions—impact play and history!)

Please join me in welcoming Maddie!

BDSMonday - Description of Subspace

It’s BDSMonday!

Today’s post is about subspace.

Have you experienced subspace, or played with someone who went into subspace? How were your experiences the same as (or different than) the description below?

This is a description of subspace I originally found when I first experienced subspace and was very new to BDSM. This isn’t my writing, and I don’t recall the source (I believe it’s from The Fetish Information Exchange). Enjoy!

BDSMonday Archive - February 17 2014

It’s BDSMonday!

Today’s question: When (and how) did you first realize that you were into BDSM (or reading about it)?

I was a very kinky little kid. I was always playing with ropes and locks and things like that. I didn’t know what to call it, but I knew what I liked ;)

The first time I heard the term “BDSM”, I was watching The Matrix with my first girlfriend. She said something like, “Eeeee, BDSM!” When I asked her what that meant, she made it sound really scary and I remember thinking, oh, I don’t want that!

How times change :)

BDSMonday Archive - February 10 2014

Today’s question:

When you’re bound in some way (rope, handcuffs, etc.) do you try to get free or not?

While I usually -can- get free, I don’t usually try to until I’m given permission (unless the whole point of the scene is for me to try and escape…another story entirely :D).

My wife likes to be tied up occasionally, and I always grumble a little because SHE IS HOUDINI!!! The second I have the last knot tied, she escapes. I once did a -beautiful- dragonfly sleeve that took me upwards of an hour, and before I could sit back and appreciate my work…I was left with a pile of rope beside me.

Fantasy Boys XXX: Guest Post - Interview with Author, T Strange

Fantasy Boys XXX: Guest Post - Interview with Author, T Strange: Today, we are happy that author, T Strange is joining us to answer some questions :). Can you tell us a little about yourself? I have a s...

BDSMonday Archive - February 3 2014

It’s BDSMonday!

Today I have a special guest, Dena Celeste, with a blog post about some of the different kinds of marking that can be part of BDSM.

Personally, I -love- being marked…which means that a lot of my characters do, too! Besides actually participating in a scene, one of my favourite parts of BDSM is having my bruises, cuts, burns, etc. tended to. From bite marks to brands, I’m there!

BDSMonday Archive - January 27 2014

It’s BDSMonday!

Today’s question: What is the weirdest BDSM-related experience/interaction you’ve ever had? (I’m both excited and terrified to hear these—there are some real whackos out there!)

Whooo boy, mine would probably have to be…a guy kept messaging me on Fetlife, suggesting scenes for my Sir and I. Really, really detailed scenes that were clearly his fantasies. It got so weird and creepy that I eventually had my Sir message him and tell him, very politely, to f*** off. I love playing the Sir trump card :D I wish I could do it in vanilla interactions, too!