Monday, 30 June 2014

BDSMonday - Word Association

It's BDSMonday! (And it's almost sort of didn't happen, so this week is going to be quick and easy. And it sort of ties into last week's topic).

What's the first thing that comes into your mind for the following words?


Vanilla people are always encouraged to join in, but this week especially!

Saturday, 28 June 2014

BDSMonday - Followup

After reading all of your amazing input, my personal definition of what BDSM is goes something like this:

BDSM is any consensual activity that is considered kinky/BDSM by the participants. The power of the participants must be as equal as possible for that consent to be valid.

Anything you'd add or change? 

Monday, 23 June 2014

BDSMonday - What Is (Or Isn't) BDSM?

It's BDSMonday!

Today's question seems pretty straightforward--what is BDSM, and what isn't--but I've met a lot of people who've been told by someone who 'knows more' than them that, "Oh, activity X isn't BDSM. That's not kinky."

BDSM as an acronym means: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. Those are pretty broad umbrella terms. It doesn't specifically mention sex at all--again, I've heard people say that BDSM can never involve sex, and people say that BDSM is always sexual.

Wikipedia's definition: BDSM is a variety of erotic practices involving dominance and submission, role-playing, restraint, and other interpersonal dynamics. Given the wide range of practices, some of which may be engaged in by people who do not consider themselves as practicing BDSM, inclusion in the BDSM community and/or subculture is usually dependent on self-identification and shared experience. Interest in BDSM can range from one-time experimentation to a lifestyle, and there is debate over whether a BDSM or kink sexual identity also constitutes a form of sexual orientation.

Personally, I think that's an excellent definition. It's very broad, and I really like the use of "other interpersonal dynamics." And it's very true that people can be practicing what could easily be called BDSM activities without identifying themselves as kinky.

To me, BDSM is more of a state of being than a checklist: yep, that's BDSM. No, that's not. I don't feel I'm in any position to judge or label other people's experiences, and I don't want to.

I don't think it's right for people to be told that what they're doing isn't BDSM. I don't see the need to narrow the definition to exclude people. If someone feels that what they're doing is kinky or BDSM, why should they have to alter their personal definition?

And to me, BDSM is personal. We can join chat groups and go to munches and workshops, but at the end of the day, most of the people in your community (whether online or in real life) aren't coming into your bedroom (or wherever you play). However you want to define your role and your involvement in BDSM is up to you.

Do you think there are things that are never BDSM? What is your personal definition?

Sunday, 22 June 2014


I have a very small mouth (and a mighty gag reflex, but that's beside the point of this post).

Toothbrush shopping is always a trying time for me (and anyone unfortunate enough to be present), because I have very specific requirements: it has to be small, have soft bristles, and be purple, in that order of importance. And it is way more difficult to fill those three requirements than you'd think!

Or it was, until I found this toothbrush. It is hands down the best toothbrush I've ever had. For the first time, I can actually brush my teeth the way dentists tell me to, because it's small and at just the right angle. (And yes, I know it's a kid's toothbrush...)

It's not great for brushing my tongue, though...which leads me to the upshot of this post.

My wife comes home and sees a third toothbrush in our (super adorable sheep-shaped) toothbrush holder.

" there something I should know...?"

Monday, 16 June 2014

BDSMonday - Special Guest M. Strange Talks Sadism!

It's BDSMonday, and today I'm thrilled to introduce my guest...who also happens to be my wife/Sir.

Today she's sharing a post about her early experiences trying to figure out her role in BDSM.


"When I first started BDSM with my wife, I struggled with my identity as a top for quite a while.
At first, I really struggled with the idea of a relationship where I had more power than my partner. It took me some time to realize that though she submitted to me, though she was a masochist, I had her full consent and our relationship was an equal one. Whether we were in a scene or just living our lives, we both put in equal amounts of effort towards our relationship. This is honestly why I think our relationship is so strong; because we both put it at the top of our priorities.

Even though I panicked the first time she tried to submit to me and we broke up for a week or so, I’ve taken to the role of her Sir quite happily. Now my role as a top means a lot to me and I don’t think we’d be the same without it.

Still, once we started getting into the BDSM community, I realized that a lot of the dominants there weren’t what I was. We thought of our relationships in very different ways and I didn’t always understand where they were coming from.  I played with the words I used to identify myself for a while and finally settled on sadist, which I’m still happy with. More than I enjoy control, I enjoy spanking and biting and rough play.
Though SM is my favourite kind of play, I know that my partner enjoys more of the mental D/s side of BDSM. At first this side of BDSM was really overwhelming for me. My wife helped me come up with easy D/s games to get me into it, and soon enough it was a natural part of our lives. Even now, some of the rules and rituals we came up with in the beginning have stuck through. At this point, they’re so engrained that we don’t even really notice that we’re doing them. It’s just a nice easy reminder of our relationship.

Not to say we don’t do more complicated D/s scenes, but they’re still a bit of a struggle for me. I still consider myself more of a sadist than anything, but I will always be her Sir."


Feel free to ask one or both of us questions, as always. And if you have an idea for BDSMonday, I'd love to hear it!

Saturday, 14 June 2014

Does This Happen To Anyone Else?

I always get East of Eden  and West of Eden* mixed up. "Yay dinosaurs! These are not dinosaurs! This is the evil Red Pony man!" (I was [and still am] a horse nut. The Red Pony should seriously come with a warning that it is not a happy pony story [and there are few enough of those, believe me] and should not be read by people who want to read about a pony who is red. To this day, I'm not sure how much of my hatred of Steinbeck is simply my childhood betrayal. [Vultures eat the pony's eyes, man! That is some fucked up shit, especially when you're like nine!])

I also always used to get autism and dyslexia mixed up when I was younger, which led to a good deal of confusion on my part!

(When I was very young, I thought all fish were from Finland. Makes sense, no?)

*Potential TMI: West of Eden has held the title of "Most Awkward Scene to Ever Get Aroused By" for many years. I honestly hope I never find something to replace that title. I don't even want to know what it would take.

Wednesday, 11 June 2014

BDSMonday Follow-Up: The Jokes!

Now that I've been sent all these great kinky jokes, what can I do but share them? Got one to add? It's never too late!


Two men are seated at a bar having a drink, when one looks at the other and says "You know, I'm a Sadist. I derive tremendous pleasure from inflicting pain."

The second man says "Really?! That's amazing! I'm a Masochist, I derive tremendous pleasure from receiving pain!"

So the two new BFFs head to the Sadist's house, where he has an entire room full of everything imaginable. The Masochist strips off, allows himself to be chained to a rack, and stands spread-eagled and nude. The Sadist approaches him, dressed all in black leather, and carrying a vicious looking cat o' nine tails. Body quivering, the Masochist licks his lips and says breathily "Well? Aren't you going to whip me?"

And the Sadist smiles, and says "No."


Q: What's the difference between Sensuous and Kinky?
A: Sensuous they use the feather, Kinky they use the whole chicken.



Q: What's the most appropriate name for a slave? .
A: Neil!

Monday, 9 June 2014

BDSMonday - Jokes

It's BDSMonday!

I feel like a good laugh today...hit me with your best kinky joke!

Sunday, 8 June 2014

Happy Birthday, Boots and Leather - Giveaway!

That's right--Boots and Leather turned one year old (well, its published self  turned one year old...I started writing it before that, obviously). Its actual birthday was June 5th, but I have been crazy-busy and have hardly had a chance to sit down, it feels like!

I can't believe it's been a whole year since Gavin and Terry's story was released, but it also seems like the time just flew by. Thank you to everyone who's shown me so much love and support during the past year. I didn't want to let this anniversary pass without some sort of acknowledgment.

And what better way to celebrate than with a giveaway?

For an ebook copy of Boots and Leather, which is sexier: leather or a snappy suit? (Entries count double if you post a picture of a sexy boy modeling your choice ;) )

Monday, 2 June 2014

BDSMonday - Kink In The Media/Popular Culture

Love it or hate it (and I'm staying completely neutral on this one), Fifty Shades of Grey has launched BDSM into the public's view. Something used to be completely taboo is starting (starting!) to become a safe topic to discuss in a lot of social situations, with more and more people having at least a basic understanding of what BDSM is and is not.

BDSM has been cropping up in popular culture more and more--sometimes good, sometimes bad.

I haven't seen it for a while, but I remember enjoying the relationship between Lady Heather and Grissom on CSI. She's shown as a character and a human being, not just a mindless, leather-clad flogging machine. And it's refreshing to see BDSM on a police procedure show that isn't just, "Oh, a serial killer tied her up and did ____. How kinky!" or something like that.

I recently read The Right Address by Carrie Karasyov and Jill Kargman. I wasn't thrilled by it, and I was especially unimpressed with the way one of the characters died--tied up, wearing a dog collar in a divey room. It's an example of the all-too-common portrayal of BDSM as violent, scary, obscene, scandalous and dangerous. No one is surprised that he died that way, because he was into BDSM.

One of my favourite portrayals of BDSM on mainstream television is this scene from Supernatural (in case the video doesn't work for you, it's from season 4, episode 12: Criss Angel Is A Douchebag, and the scene is Dean talking to The Chief). Yes, it's played as a joke--Dean thinks he's being sent to see someone who has information, and he ends up in a BDSM club--but Dean doesn't freak out or act disgusted that a man with a flogger is coming on to him. And, more importantly, after The Chief does his spiel, he asks Dean for his safeword! BDSM isn't being shown as random, abusive violence, it's shown as having rules and a structure of its own.

What positive portrayals of BDSM have you seen in mainstream, vanilla culture? Aaaaand which not-so-positive portrayals have you come across?


If you have an idea for BDSMonday, or would like to contribute in any way, please message me or email me: tq.strange (at)

Sunday, 1 June 2014

Pride Month! (or, Dear God How Is It June Already???)

Whoo hoo it's Pride Month!

I'm celebrating over at Beth Wylde's Yahoo group.

You can look for me on:

June 2 - G Day (Gay Day)

June 18 - Torquere Press - not only is this my publisher, it's also my birthday. Expect giveaways. Lots of giveaways :D I've got swag and ebooks with your name on them!

June 21 - EM Lynley and friends

June 30 - Free For All

Everyone take care and have a great Pride Month!