BDSMonday - BDSM 101 by Laci Green

It's BDSMonday!

Sorry about last week everyone...I was sick and I had to work :( But I'm feeling much better now!

Anyway, today I have a video about BDSM 101 by Laci Green. Enjoy!

(NSFW and there is some FSOG-bashing)

Free Read - Belladonna

Sooooo...exciting news in my world *wiggles*

My very first published story, Belladonna, has been re-released...and now it's free!

It's M/M BDSM and it's...very kinky.

BDSMonday - Guest Post by M. Strange - Coming Out As Kinky

It's BDSMonday! (Last week? Obviously last week never happened, or there would have been a BDSMonday post. *heh*)

Today I have guest post number two from my Sir, and she's talking about how and when to come out as kinky. I've touched on this subject before, but I think it's an important one and it's good to get as many perspectives about it as possible.

So, without further ado:

BDSMonday - Hard and Soft Limits

It's BDSMonday!

Today I'm talking about hard and soft limits.

First of all, what are hard and soft limits? Hard limits are something you are never, ever willing to try. If someone tried an activity from that list with you, you would immediately end the scene and (probably) never play with them again. There are two hard limits that are considered more or less universal, because they can't be considered consensual - bestiality and pedophilia. From there, the list is much more personal.

Soft limits are activities you're not ready or willing to try yet, or that you want to approach slowly and carefully. They're not something that should be sprung on you when you're tied up, or that should be spontaneously added to a scene.

The important thing about limits, at least as far as I'm concerned (okay, well, beyond the obvious "respect people's limits, yo") is that they can change over time, and in either direction.

When I first started exploring kink, I was really curious about electrical play and thought I'd really enjoy it. Due to a bad experience and another that was really "meh", electrical play is at least a soft limit, if not a hard limit.

The reverse is also true. I can't think of a personal example, but there's also nothing wrong with having something on you're not sure about, something on your soft or even hard limit list, and trying it with a partner you trust. It could eventually become one of your favourite things!

Even if you think a limit is silly or you think pushing it would help your partner grow as a person, respect that limit. Your partner may have had a bad experience in the past that they haven't shared with you, and they know a particular kinky activity will give them flashbacks. They may have an injury that prevents them from certain positions or activities. It's not your place to judge someone's limits, and it's not anyone else's place to judge yours.

If someone tries to pressure you regarding your limits, think long and hard before you play with them! Pushing your limits is a very personal decision that should be made by you, not by someone you're playing with. I've heard plenty of stories of people having their limits pushed, without warning or advance discussion, when they were in the middle of a scene and relatively helpless, and to me that is not okay. People usually have limits, especially hard limits, for a reason besides "I don't want to try that".

Have a great week everyone and play safely!        

BDSMonday - Negotiation

It's BDSMonday!

Today's topic is negotiation.

Okay--you've found someone you want to play with. Now what?

I know I've mentioned them before, but I can't recommend BDSM checklists highly enough. They're a great way to quickly and easily compare your kinks with your potential playpartner(s)'. (I also recommend them for keeping track of your own BDSM journey. I'm always surprised, when I look back at old ones, how many things I marked as "No" or "Not interested" are now some of my favourites!)

Ask questions. Lots of 'em. It doesn't matter if you plan on topping or bottoming, you want to know as much about your partner as possible. There are many factors that aren't directly related to BDSM that might influence a scene--has your partner been through a traumatic experience that could be triggered by something that might routinely happen as part of a scene? Do they have any old injuries that could be affected? Are there certain spots on their body they don't like to be touched?

Set your safeword(s). The 'default' ones are red, yellow, and green. Green means everything's okay, keep going. Yellow means pause, and red means STOP. You can decide on your own, either for all your BDSM needs, or for the specific partner you're negotiating with. It's a good idea to make it a word that stands out and you're not likely to use during a scene (mine is 'squirrel'.) There are alternatives to spoken safewords, but that's a whole other topic!

There's also nothing wrong with negotiating once you've started a scene. You may have decided you're going to do spanking and bondage, but halfway through one of you might decide you want to add caning, as well. Pause the scene, and ask your partner(s) if it's okay to add an activity. If it is, off you go! If not, you can discuss it later, and maybe try it during another play session.

You can also make the scene shorter. Maybe you really don't feel like wax play after your spanking. Let your partner know. You can always try it another time!

I decided it was high time for the Vanilla Corner to have its own graphic, so...ta da!

Today's Vanilla Corner question: When reading BDSM fiction, do you like the author to include a negotiation scene? How much detail do you like to see?

(Because my little safety hat is always within arms' reach, I like to at least mention that negotiation happened, but I also think writing too much detail could get a little boring for readers.)

Any negotiation questions or tips you'd like to add?

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If you have an idea for BDSMonday, please feel free to message me, or email: tq.strange (at) gmail.com

I'd love to hear from you!