Monday 29 September 2014

BDSMonday - Hard and Soft Limits

It's BDSMonday!

Today I'm talking about hard and soft limits.

First of all, what are hard and soft limits? Hard limits are something you are never, ever willing to try. If someone tried an activity from that list with you, you would immediately end the scene and (probably) never play with them again. There are two hard limits that are considered more or less universal, because they can't be considered consensual - bestiality and pedophilia. From there, the list is much more personal.

Soft limits are activities you're not ready or willing to try yet, or that you want to approach slowly and carefully. They're not something that should be sprung on you when you're tied up, or that should be spontaneously added to a scene.

The important thing about limits, at least as far as I'm concerned (okay, well, beyond the obvious "respect people's limits, yo") is that they can change over time, and in either direction.

When I first started exploring kink, I was really curious about electrical play and thought I'd really enjoy it. Due to a bad experience and another that was really "meh", electrical play is at least a soft limit, if not a hard limit.

The reverse is also true. I can't think of a personal example, but there's also nothing wrong with having something on you're not sure about, something on your soft or even hard limit list, and trying it with a partner you trust. It could eventually become one of your favourite things!

Even if you think a limit is silly or you think pushing it would help your partner grow as a person, respect that limit. Your partner may have had a bad experience in the past that they haven't shared with you, and they know a particular kinky activity will give them flashbacks. They may have an injury that prevents them from certain positions or activities. It's not your place to judge someone's limits, and it's not anyone else's place to judge yours.

If someone tries to pressure you regarding your limits, think long and hard before you play with them! Pushing your limits is a very personal decision that should be made by you, not by someone you're playing with. I've heard plenty of stories of people having their limits pushed, without warning or advance discussion, when they were in the middle of a scene and relatively helpless, and to me that is not okay. People usually have limits, especially hard limits, for a reason besides "I don't want to try that".

Have a great week everyone and play safely!        

No comments:

Post a Comment