BDSMonday - Outdoor Play

It's BDSMonday!

Today is a gorgeous day in my neck of the woods (and I hope in yours, too!) It's actually spring-like and not even too wet/muddy. That never happens.

Anyway, it got me thinking about great scenes of the past (now I'm picturing a flogger or something made of clouds à la The Lion King), specifically outdoor scenes. If you live in the city, like I do, it can be a little difficult to find places to play outside, because non-consensually freaking out Vanilla people isn't cool. But playing outside is a special experience, at least to my Sir and me.

In my current house, our fence is quite low on one side and made of wire on the other, so not much backyard privacy. We do have a garage, but it's not the most soundproof building.

When we lived with my stepmom, we did some outdoor play in my old treehouse while she was gone for the summer, and that was really fun.

During our honeymoon, we rented a small retreat and had the place to ourselves. We did an awesome takedown scene that involved me hiding in the woods for my Sir to find, and getting tackled on the beach. We tried a couple of other things, but there were a lot of ants. And we're not really into ant-play. But it's okay if you are!

My Vanilla Corner friends! Have you read any awesome outdoor play scenes that you'd like to share? I'd love to hear about 'em!

BDSMonday - Stereotypes

It’s BDSMonday!

Today’s topic is kinky stereotypes. 

Please note! The items listed below are stereotypes. They are not representative of my thoughts!

Here are a few I know, but I’d love to hear more from you guys:

- men are dominant and women are submissive

- all female dominants are dominatrices/pro dommes. They all look like this: 

 (Image source)

- submissives (regardless of gender) are helpless doormats

- female submissives (or all submissives) are just looking for sex/are slutty

- BDSM is always about sex

- switches are just confused

- masochists were sickly as children

- sadists are all serial killers/psychopaths 

Vanilla Corner

Before you started reading BDSM fiction, had you heard of any of these stereotypes?

Did you believe any of them?

Were you surprised to find out they weren’t true after you’d started reading the genre?

Did you find out about these (or other) stereotypes through reading?

BDSMonday - Negotiation

It's BDSMonday!

Today's topic is negotiation.

Okay--you've found someone you want to play with. Now what?

I know I've mentioned them before, but I can't recommend BDSM checklists highly enough. They're a great way to quickly and easily compare your kinks with your potential playpartner(s)'. (I also recommend them for keeping track of your own BDSM journey. I'm always surprised, when I look back at old ones, how many things I marked as "No" or "Not interested" are now some of my favourites!)

Ask questions. Lots of 'em. It doesn't matter if you plan on topping or bottoming, you want to know as much about your partner as possible. There are many factors that aren't directly related to BDSM that might influence a scene--has your partner been through a traumatic experience that could be triggered by something that might routinely happen as part of a scene? Do they have any old injuries that could be affected? Are there certain spots on their body they don't like to be touched?

Set your safeword(s). The 'default' ones are red, yellow, and green. Green means everything's okay, keep going. Yellow means pause, and red means STOP. You can decide on your own, either for all your BDSM needs, or for the specific partner you're negotiating with. It's a good idea to make it a word that stands out and you're not likely to use during a scene (mine is 'squirrel'.) There are alternatives to spoken safewords, but that's a whole other topic!

There's also nothing wrong with negotiating once you've started a scene. You may have decided you're going to do spanking and bondage, but halfway through one of you might decide you want to add caning, as well. Pause the scene, and ask your partner(s) if it's okay to add an activity. If it is, off you go! If not, you can discuss it later, and maybe try it during another play session.

You can also make the scene shorter. Maybe you really don't feel like wax play after your spanking. Let your partner know. You can always try it another time!

I decided it was high time for the Vanilla Corner to have its own graphic, so...ta da!

Today's Vanilla Corner question: When reading BDSM fiction, do you like the author to include a negotiation scene? How much detail do you like to see?

(Because my little safety hat is always within arms' reach, I like to at least mention that negotiation happened, but I also think writing too much detail could get a little boring for readers.)

Any negotiation questions or tips you'd like to add?

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If you have an idea for BDSMonday, please feel free to message me, or email: tq.strange (at) gmail.com

I'd love to hear from you!