BDSMonday - What Is (Or Isn't) BDSM?

It's BDSMonday!

Today's question seems pretty straightforward--what is BDSM, and what isn't--but I've met a lot of people who've been told by someone who 'knows more' than them that, "Oh, activity X isn't BDSM. That's not kinky."

BDSM as an acronym means: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. Those are pretty broad umbrella terms. It doesn't specifically mention sex at all--again, I've heard people say that BDSM can never involve sex, and people say that BDSM is always sexual.

Wikipedia's definition: BDSM is a variety of erotic practices involving dominance and submission, role-playing, restraint, and other interpersonal dynamics. Given the wide range of practices, some of which may be engaged in by people who do not consider themselves as practicing BDSM, inclusion in the BDSM community and/or subculture is usually dependent on self-identification and shared experience. Interest in BDSM can range from one-time experimentation to a lifestyle, and there is debate over whether a BDSM or kink sexual identity also constitutes a form of sexual orientation.

Personally, I think that's an excellent definition. It's very broad, and I really like the use of "other interpersonal dynamics." And it's very true that people can be practicing what could easily be called BDSM activities without identifying themselves as kinky.

To me, BDSM is more of a state of being than a checklist: yep, that's BDSM. No, that's not. I don't feel I'm in any position to judge or label other people's experiences, and I don't want to.

I don't think it's right for people to be told that what they're doing isn't BDSM. I don't see the need to narrow the definition to exclude people. If someone feels that what they're doing is kinky or BDSM, why should they have to alter their personal definition?

And to me, BDSM is personal. We can join chat groups and go to munches and workshops, but at the end of the day, most of the people in your community (whether online or in real life) aren't coming into your bedroom (or wherever you play). However you want to define your role and your involvement in BDSM is up to you.

Do you think there are things that are never BDSM? What is your personal definition?