Monday, 14 July 2014

BDSMonday - "Coming Out"

It's BDSMonday! (And my fifth wedding anniversary)

Tying in with my anniversary just a little, today's topic is coming out of the...toy box? Flogger? (Okay that one doesn't really make sense, but c'mon. It's a funny image--someone stepping out of the falls like a vehicle going through a car wash or something).

Anyway. Telling people who are important in your life that you're kinky.

If you are 'out', I'd love to hear how it went. If you're not, hopefully some of the stories people share will help you if/when you decide to let people know about that aspect of yourself.

For myself, I am completely 'out' with my wife. I came into the relationship ( ;) ) having been in a previous kinky relationship, and knowing I wanted BDSM in a new one. My wife had no experience with kink, though it turned out that a lot of her fantasies had a decidedly kinky/sadistic bent. Neither of us remembers exactly how I 'outed' myself to her, but we briefly broke up because she was worried that our relationship couldn't be an equal one if I was submissive. Obviously we worked that out, and we've explored our kinky sides with a freedom I couldn't possibly have imagined before meeting her.

Actually, I don't remember how I 'outed' myself to my last ex, either...though I'm sure written roleplay was involved. *heh* character wants to be tied up and flogged. Oh, you're okay with that? Well, how about if we act that scene out?

As I said, I don't remember if that's exactly how I broke the kinky ice, but I'm sure it was something along those lines, both with my wife and my ex. It seems to me that either reading or writing a kinky scene together is a good way to introduce the subject and test the kinky water (I'm sticking with my theme, okay?) Reading a kinky scene as foreplay is a good, safe way to gauge your partner's interest--if they jump you, chances are good their fantasies line up pretty well with yours. You could ask them to select something to read that they find kinky, so you can trade. From there, you could ask to act out one or both of the scenes. I've found roleplay is a good place to start--if the scene doesn't go well, you put those characters aside and don't play with them again. Both you and your partner know you were just acting, so it's easier to let go of any negative emotions that may come up. It's a fantasy, with clearly defined limits.

And if it does go well...have fun!

I'm not out at work, though several people either suspect or know indirectly. My mother-in-law kept 'finding' our toys when we lived with my in-laws, but I have no idea what she thinks about that. My sister knows, but that's about the only family member I'm comfortable discussing my kinky side with. I don't have kids, so I don't have to worry about them finding out/telling them. Some of my friends know (I met some of them through BDSM).

How about you guys? If you are 'out', how did it go? If you're not, how do you suspect the people in your life would react? Go!

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